I read an article on Huffington Post addressing a movement in America on “co-parenting”. Co-parenting was an answer or alternative to divorce, remaining married yet taking all the romance and physical contact out of the relationship for the benefit of raising their kids together.
I'm not sure I agree with this but I'm sure it may work for some couples. Kudos if it does! In some cases of abuse, alcoholism, etc. there's only one alternative as far as I'm concerned. You would not want to raise your children in an unfavorable situation. I'm twice divorced and I believe my children are robbed of having two loving caring parents in the home but if given a "re-do" I would have made the same decision today. Today, although my income is significantly lower than if I were married, I'm ok with me. Divorce either time was both devastating emotionally and financially. My second divorce I was consumed with guilt at failing for a second time but knew it was the right decision for myself and my children. I risked losing my older kids if I didn't. I later made poor choices and risked losing all of them but that's another blog! Have I grown? I say yes, of course I have. I work full time, I'm putting myself through college, and I have 5 fabulous kids that work hard to succeed at whatever they set their minds to. I have a "significant other". (I'm too old for a boyfriend!) We have been together for 12+ years and have 8 kids between us. The youngest is "ours" but we choose to remain in 2 houses. I guess we “co-parent” in a sense but we remain in a relationship in two separate homes. It's challenging to say the least, pisses me off on numerous occasions because I feel like I do most of the yucky stuff, but I'm not sure I'm willing to change it at this point. Have I thought of calling it quits? You bet! I don't like our arrangement but I love him. Do we fight? Ummm...sure! If you want to call it that. We don't yell, we don't cuss, and we don't call each other names. We get pissed, I speak my mind, and we go to our corners… or separate homes. (I have no problem giving my opinion. Ok and sometimes I cuss, but not usually at him.) We come back and start all over again. It seems to work for us and most people don't understand. My friends don't get it, "he should have proposed by now!" and definitely...not MY church! I'm not allowed to take communion because I'm an unmarried mother and I continue to "date" the same man and have...Ohhh that's another blog! My point? If co-parenting works for you then go for it. Difficult? Most definitely yes! Is divorce the answer? Yes, sometimes although I don't promote it. I'm NOT the divorce whisperer. I say single parenting is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Throw in a special needs kid and it's over the top! BUT I'd do it again...in MY situation. If you can work it out, do it!
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Cynthia"Don't put an age limit Archives
July 2018
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