The cookies are gone, maybe now we can get somewhere.
Sneaking cookies out of the open bag without mommy seeing them seemed to be a bit of a distraction tonight. Then they decided if they fed the monster she didn’t growl. LOL “mom, I brought you some” as he laid them on the arm of the chair and skipped away. I believe the whole bag is already gone. 4:30 a.m. and I’ve been up an hour already. Wide awake and mulling over how our lives have changed over the years, specifically in just the last 6 months. 5 kids and 5 very separate issues. Luck of the draw they said, alphabet soup, years of IEP’s and years of stress. It’s taken its toll; this last one broke the camel’s back. I keep going. I’m not sure at what point I realized I’m a “special needs” mom. Who coined that phrase? I just always thought my babies were special, “needs” didn’t enter in to it, and we all have needs. How long have I been at this? Most of my adult life, my almost 25 year old hellcat was born with a cleft of the hard and soft palate, not discovered until she was almost a week old. She screamed and screamed, she was starving, LOL she still screams. Several surgeries, lots of visits for ear infections, lots of late nights, visits to the ER because she stuffed something in her mouth in it stuck in her nasal passage. ACK! Big R, he’s the oldest, was he next? I don’t remember. Tourette Syndrome, we had seen the tics in grade school and thought nothing of them. They exploded in junior high, puberty they said. Can I have that TS, throw in a side of OCD & ADD while you’re at it, and sprinkle it with Coprolalia. Those were not fun years either, lots of tears. Better? Better than they were, he still battles the tics, battles his own body. Baby girl, she’s number three in line. I’m not sure but I think I must have been the dumbest mom alive. Maybe I was so wrapped up in just trying to maintain my sanity, pay the bills; working 2-3 jobs at most times, that I didn’t see it. She couldn’t hold her head up, couldn’t crawl, walk, and for years every doctor appointment was no real biggy, she was the happiest baby alive, but yet different. It wasn’t until years later fighting for inclusion, fighting for her rights in school to be something other than that kid that didn’t go to class with everyone else, the one they wanted to take out the trash and wipe the lunchroom tables, that I realized “I’m a special needs mom.” When did those Fn headaches start and when did she grow up? I used to just worry about whom her friends were, her phone, her latest crush, her social media accounts, and whether she brushed her teeth and washed her face at night. She’s a little girl in a big girl’s body. 6 months ago those damn headaches turned into those damn seizures. I’m exhausted. I’m not sure I’ve had one night’s peace since that night. She’s always needed extra attention, extra watching over, but not like now but even still I know that I have do have it better than some parents dealing with medical issues that are much worse. If God let you choose, let you fill out a survey, I’d still check this box. Baby #4, a true mama’s boy, gray at birth with the cord wrapped around his next. It took forever to get him to breathe. Is that why he struggles? Is it some defect his mama has passed on? It’s definitely what his grandmother thinks and she didn’t mind telling me. “All these issues, they must get it from you”. Wow, that was a blow. It’s a constant battle to keep him on task, color deficient, and ADD? A daily battle, I’m just praying we can squeak by his freshman year. My little monkey and bringing up the rear at number #5. A smart little booger his teacher tells us, born with a heart defect that we were told would require heart surgery, color deficient, and a funny speech thing going on. Not a planned addition to our group, since we already had 7 between us, but what a joy. By some miracle that heart healed itself, unlikely they said, but a very slim chance. Thank you God! Surviving? I’m surviving, not sleeping, and eating cookies. They’re all succeeding and mommy is doing her best to keep her sanity.
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Cynthia"Don't put an age limit Archives
July 2018
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